Riding the Rapids
When Endings are New Beginnings, Part 3
Life Lesson #2. Riding the Rapids
Not long ago, it was on my heart to call a dear friend to see how she was doing. I knew that she was experiencing many changes in her life and that she was very discouraged. As soon as I heard her voice, I could sense that she was depressed and drowning in a flood of conflicting emotions that were being churned up as important family relationships were undergoing transition. As we talked, I suddenly had a word picture form in my head that helped me “see” a bit of what she was experiencing. I could relate to the image because it had also been my own experience. I did my best to describe this word picture, praying that she would somehow find a glimmer of hope to hold on to.
In the days following our conversation I thought a lot about what we had talked about. The image that had come to mind was one of a woman alone in a rowboat that was being tossed and bounced along on rough turbulent rapids. It was as if a flash flood had just occurred and she had been caught by surprise in a torrent of water rushing into the previously calm waters of her life. The angry waters had gathered dirt and debris, muddying the clear river, churning and hitting against the boat as it rushed wildly out of control down the fast moving current.
Whether or not it is the result of a forecasted storm or an unexpected downpour, the demise of any important relationship in our lives will most likely send us reeling and make us feel as if we are alone in a boat without paddles, rushing down category 5 rapids. In particular, changes in our marriage or with our children stir up large pieces of debris and dirt that are hurled at us, causing bruising and intense pain.
When you find yourself on this part of the river, it can be very difficult to think of anything other than the excruciating fear and pain. Sometimes the tendency at this point is to abandon ship. You want to jump overboard to try and reach shore and stop the fearful journey downstream. However dysfunctional the marriage or relationship has been doesn’t seem to compare to the suffering you are going through in this moment. Oh, if only you could go back to where you were before. It couldn’t be worse than this!
My friend was at this point. She was thinking that staying in her passionless marriage was better than experiencing the angst and turmoil she was currently going through. I remember briefly feeling this way during my divorce. Why was I rocking the boat? What was wrong with the status quo? Did I really want to be another failed marriage statistic? Wouldn’t it be better for the kids if we stayed together? Is it worth all this pain? Would I really be happier living alone?
In the end, I decided to stay in the boat and face what I might find downstream with the hope that things would eventually smooth out. It wasn’t my intention to urge my friend to go through with ending her marriage, but I did want to remind her that in time, her pain would subside. The river would settle down and the debris would thin out and disperse. I encouraged her to look to the horizon, past the dark, gray clouds to the sliver of light far in the distance.
Riding the rapids means going with the flow. The demise of any relationship will be painful. The unknown change it may bring to our lives can be frightening. However, I have learned that if we allow it to happen, the end of a relationship will inevitably bring about new beginnings in our lives. While the process of change can be very tumultuous, things WILL calm down and smooth out for us as long as we let go, accept the change and hold on tight while running the rapids.
With a bit of courage and strength from above, you may even find yourself feeling excitement, adventure and a surprising sense of anticipation to see what is around the next bend or over the next set of diminishing rapids. Hold on to hope, keeping in mind that smooth waters ARE ahead. You will reach shore where you can confidently step out on the highway of life. Ah…but one small warning to heed. Even on this new road be ready to expect some delays along on the way. Embrace them and learn!
Life Lesson #2. Riding the Rapids
Not long ago, it was on my heart to call a dear friend to see how she was doing. I knew that she was experiencing many changes in her life and that she was very discouraged. As soon as I heard her voice, I could sense that she was depressed and drowning in a flood of conflicting emotions that were being churned up as important family relationships were undergoing transition. As we talked, I suddenly had a word picture form in my head that helped me “see” a bit of what she was experiencing. I could relate to the image because it had also been my own experience. I did my best to describe this word picture, praying that she would somehow find a glimmer of hope to hold on to.
In the days following our conversation I thought a lot about what we had talked about. The image that had come to mind was one of a woman alone in a rowboat that was being tossed and bounced along on rough turbulent rapids. It was as if a flash flood had just occurred and she had been caught by surprise in a torrent of water rushing into the previously calm waters of her life. The angry waters had gathered dirt and debris, muddying the clear river, churning and hitting against the boat as it rushed wildly out of control down the fast moving current.
Whether or not it is the result of a forecasted storm or an unexpected downpour, the demise of any important relationship in our lives will most likely send us reeling and make us feel as if we are alone in a boat without paddles, rushing down category 5 rapids. In particular, changes in our marriage or with our children stir up large pieces of debris and dirt that are hurled at us, causing bruising and intense pain.
When you find yourself on this part of the river, it can be very difficult to think of anything other than the excruciating fear and pain. Sometimes the tendency at this point is to abandon ship. You want to jump overboard to try and reach shore and stop the fearful journey downstream. However dysfunctional the marriage or relationship has been doesn’t seem to compare to the suffering you are going through in this moment. Oh, if only you could go back to where you were before. It couldn’t be worse than this!
My friend was at this point. She was thinking that staying in her passionless marriage was better than experiencing the angst and turmoil she was currently going through. I remember briefly feeling this way during my divorce. Why was I rocking the boat? What was wrong with the status quo? Did I really want to be another failed marriage statistic? Wouldn’t it be better for the kids if we stayed together? Is it worth all this pain? Would I really be happier living alone?
In the end, I decided to stay in the boat and face what I might find downstream with the hope that things would eventually smooth out. It wasn’t my intention to urge my friend to go through with ending her marriage, but I did want to remind her that in time, her pain would subside. The river would settle down and the debris would thin out and disperse. I encouraged her to look to the horizon, past the dark, gray clouds to the sliver of light far in the distance.
Riding the rapids means going with the flow. The demise of any relationship will be painful. The unknown change it may bring to our lives can be frightening. However, I have learned that if we allow it to happen, the end of a relationship will inevitably bring about new beginnings in our lives. While the process of change can be very tumultuous, things WILL calm down and smooth out for us as long as we let go, accept the change and hold on tight while running the rapids.
With a bit of courage and strength from above, you may even find yourself feeling excitement, adventure and a surprising sense of anticipation to see what is around the next bend or over the next set of diminishing rapids. Hold on to hope, keeping in mind that smooth waters ARE ahead. You will reach shore where you can confidently step out on the highway of life. Ah…but one small warning to heed. Even on this new road be ready to expect some delays along on the way. Embrace them and learn!
posted by lindylou | 8:00 AM
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