Tears in a Bottle

"You number my wanderings,

Put my tears into Your bottle;

Are they not in Your book?

When I cry out to You,

Then my enemies will turn back;

This I know, because God is for me."

Psalm 56:8

I've cried many tears. Tears of sadness, sorrow, pain and joy. Tears that cleanse and tears that help grieve. These verses tell us that our tears do not go unnoticed by God. In fact, they are recorded forever in His Book of Tears and stored away in a beautiful bottle.

It brings to mind the image of Mary bending over the feet of Jesus, anointing Him with her tears and a costly perfume and then wiping the tears and perfume away with her long flowing hair. Jesus cherished her gift in His heart as He faced the ordeal ahead of Him.

I know that God does not need a reminder of why He came to this earth to die for mankind, but I still like to think that the tears of His dear ones held in a bottle are a special symbol to Him of why He made the the ultimate sacrifice. And I can imagine Him one day taking that precious bottle of tears and pouring the contents out into the empty space of the universe and saying, "It is finished."

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes,

there shall be no more death, nor sorror, nor crying;

and there shall be no more pain, for the former things

have passed away." Rev. 21:4

TEARS IN A BOTTLE

Tears in a bottle,

The soul's salty rain.

Mixture of emotions,

A reminder of pain.

Tears in a bottle,

The essence of grief,

A potion of sorrow,

Heart-rending relief.

Put my tears in Your bottle,

In Your book, are they not?

When I cry out to You,

Do You give me a thought?

Yes, tears in a bottle,

in the palm of Your hand,

Sweet-smelling perfume,

Only You understand.

by lindylou

Betrayal, Conclusion

(Conclusion in a series of 5)
The topic of fear brings me to the fourth and most serious denial of Christ in my life. By being focused on my own efforts to better myself and "perfect" my character, I was denying Christ's work on the cross.

Paul's words to the Galatians in chapter 3, are words written for the likes of me:

"Oh foolish (woman)! What magician has cast an evil spell on you? For you used to see the meaning of Jesus Christ's death as clearly as though I had shown you a signboard with a picture of Christ dying on the cross. Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by keeping the law? Of course not, for the Holy Spirit came upon you only after you believed the message you heard about Christ. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SENSES? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?"

Living without the assurance of one's salvation is a sorry state indeed. I had somehow let myself be brainwashed with thought patterns that were not based on the Bible whatsoever. I am amazed at how delusional and blind I was. As I read the Bible now, I see it so clearly.

"It is the Spirit who gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing." John 6:63

"God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God's sight by the blood of Christ, he will certainly save us from God's judgment." Romans 5:8-9

"The FREE gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

"For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved......Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:9,13

"God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece." Ephesians 2:8

It is sad to think that I wasted so much energy trying to work my way into God's good graces. But as a result of my walk in error, I now have a fuller understanding of God's grace for me. Having once been in bondage to my own efforts, I now see clearly the freedom and liberty found in the blood of Jesus. The last, but definitely more important nugget of truth that I have found in my spiritual journey from fanaticism and cultish religion is this:

I can say with full conviction and assurance that I am saved because of what Jesus has done for me on the cross.
Salvation is NOTHING about me and EVERYTHING about God. Resting in Jesus is my only "work". Praise God!

Betrayal Part 4: 3rd Denial/3rd Truth

My third denial of Christ was my denial of the promises in His word. This was manifest in my growing sense of urgency and fear that time would end and I wouldn't be ready. Earthquakes, famines and wars were all around and it seemed as if the world would start falling apart at the seams at any given moment. One of the main ideas of our Bible study group that was being promoted and pushed onto others was that some disaster was about to befall America and that everyone had better be searching their hearts so that they would be ready to stand firm for Jesus when times got rough. Any strife that occurred in the middle-east was considered a sure sign that things would soon be winding down. It was important to prepare both hearts and bodies for the "time of trouble". Therefore, food was stored and provisions put aside in a safe place so that we would be ready to endure the hard times ahead. I shake my head in chagrin as I think of all the food we canned and bought in bulk, as well as the clothing and supplies we hid away in barrels in some "secret" place.

It was also thought among us that we would ultimately be persecuted for our beliefs and we needed to prepare our hearts for that by making sure we had confessed every wrong act and thought on our part so that Satan would not have any ammunition against us. We also wanted to be wise in God's word so that we would know the right words to speak should we be called upon to witness about our religious beliefs in a court of law. Our biggest fear, however, was the thought that we would have to one day stand all alone without Christ as our mediator. Talk about having the fear of the Lord in our hearts!

Almost twenty years have past and the BIG earthquake has yet to hit. That is not to say that disaster won't befall us at any moment. We can all see that the condition of the world is in a crazy state. It is like a large set of dominos have been set up and we are all just waiting for the first one to fall and start the chain reaction. Terrible accidents, disease and sickness are around us all the time. Welcome to earth, my friends!

Just turning on the news any given day is enough to send one back to bed with the covers pulled up tight over your head. However, I now know that living in fear of any of these events happening is a failure to rest on the promises of God.
The most often repeated words spoken by an angel or God himself to humans have been the words as found in Deut. 31:8: "Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor forsake you."

Here are just a few of the many texts in the Bible that confirm this solid promise of God:

"Let not your heart be troubled." John 14:1

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4: 6-7

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." Matthew 6:34

Thankfully, I learned the truth from this unnecessary fear on my part. I could see that all my anxieties about the future, my striving and frantic desire to be right with God only served to make me anxious, unsure and joyless! In understanding my denial of Christ and His promises I discovered this 3rd kernal of truth:

Hard times WILL come. I may pass from this earth tomorrow. Sickness may fall upon my family, my house might be destroyed, but no matter what comes my way, God brings peace and joy, not fear, and as a result of His word, I can be sure that, "He is with me always, even to the end of the age."

Betrayal Part 3: 2nd Denial/2nd Truth

Pride led me directly to mistake number 2; the idea that it was MY job to convict others of their wrong doing. This was a blatant denial of the Holy Spirit and His calling. Even though I thought I had good intentions, I was exuding a spirit of judgment and condemnation when I shared with others what I thought was God’s will for their lives in the areas of how they should eat, use their money or time, or what they needed to do to be ready for Christ’s 2nd coming. What I thought was humble advice from God to people I cared about, was in reality, a puffed up, pompous attitude of superiority.

How could I ignore Christ’s own words when He said that He “came not into the world to condemn the world, but to save it.”? When accusers brought an adulterous woman to Jesus, He simply wrote some words in the sand and as the accusers slipped away, He asked the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?
Neither do I! Go and sin no more.” In Matt 7:1, Jesus said, “Stop judging others!”

In regards to feeling the need to “help” others see how important it is to eat right or observe certain religious holidays or even what day to go to church on, I came to discover Bible texts that were very plain about what God’s view is about that.

“Those who think it is all right to eat anything must not look down on those who won’t. And those who won’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn God’s servants?........I know and am perfectly sure on the authority of the Lord Jesus that no food, in and of itself, is wrong to eat……For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Romans 14:3,10-13

“So don’t let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink, or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies or Sabbaths. For these rules were only shadows of the real thing, Christ himself. Don’t let anyone condemn you by insisting on self-denial. You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the evil powers of this world. So why do you keep on following rules of the world, such as ‘Don’t handle, don’t eat, don’t touch.’ Such rules are mere human teaching about things that are gone as soon as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, humility and severe bodily discipline. But they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires.” Colossians 2:16-21

Again, I have to interject here that I was primed for this kind of judgmental attitude by being a student of my church’s prophet. Her words were full of thousands of nit picky admonitions to fellow “believers” about diet, dress, church attendance and behavior. I was brainwashed with phrases such as, “there will be no meat-eaters in heaven,” and “God does not hear the prayers of parents who feed their children milk & eggs,” and "sunday keepers will receive the mark of the beast," ................ and so on and so forth.

I have no excuses, really. I am just ever so thankful that God has lead me to the truth about my denial of the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. My nugget of truth from this error is this:
It is the job of the Holy Spirit to convict, not mine! My “job” is to be a vessel of love for my “neighbor” through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in my heart.

Betrayal Part 2: 1st Denial/1st Truth

(This is the 2nd installment in a series of 5)

I have finally been able to describe the ways in which I did indeed, deny God. It wasn't clear to me at first. The biggest question I kept asking myself was, "Why did God allow me to cross the line into error, if I was so sincere in wanting to please Him?" That question eventually helped me see that I had fallen into four very dangerous, erroneous ways of thinking that were ultimately a denial of Christ and all He stands for. And I now know that I was allowed to cross this line so that I would learn some very important truths.

My first error was one of pride. The desire to be someone special to God clouded my judgment. I have to say that I was set up for this downfall through the beliefs of the church I grew up in. My religion was based on the words of a modern day "prophetess" who wrote volumes and volumes of books and messages to members of her church. Belonging to a church with a prophet and hearing the words "a peculiar people" and " special remnant" applied to my religion, developed in me a sense that I belonged to a very elite group. Therefore, it was very easy for me to believe that God would bestow His special favor on another group of people who were earnestly seeking Him.

This quest for belonging to a unique group, inadvertently caused me to deny the absolute sovereignty of God. My desire was not really a healthy sense of being important to God because of what He did for me, but rather the faulty idea that I was special to God because of what I was doing for Him!

Romans 2:19-20 & 4:5 speaks directly to this denial: "You boast that all is well between yourself and God. Yes, you know what He wants; you know right from wrong because you have been taught His law. You are convinced that you are a guide for the blind and a beacon light for people who are lost in darkness without God. You think you can instruct the ignorant and teach children the ways of God. For you are certain that in God's law you have complete knowledge and truth....but people are declared righteous because of their faith, not because of their work."

The truth that I learned from this denial of Christ is this:

I am special to God, not because of anything I have done, but only because of what He has done through Jesus Christ on the cross.

Betrayal

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to have all of you, to sift you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen and build up your brothers.” Luke 22:31

“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me because of their testimony.” John 17:20


If twenty years ago, someone had told me that I would deny God, I would have expressed shock at the very idea. At that time in my life I was deliberately praying that God would reveal Himself to me and my family. I was attending a weekly Bible study, meeting regularly for prayer with other believers and preparing myself for the soon coming of Christ. I was also being “ brave” and distributing what I thought was God’s word in the form of a religious pamphlet along with loaves of bread to people in my community. At every opportunity, I would share God’s “messages” with anyone who would tolerate me! I was even involved in a work of helping people find freedom from demon possession and harassment. Me? Deny God?

I was pressed down with the knowledge that I was not measuring up and yet striving so hard to be the kind of Christian Jesus would want me to be. I so wanted to be ready to meet Him when He came to take His children home! And I knew that it was very soon because I believed with all my heart that God had sent special messages to a few of His chosen ones to warn us of impending doom and destruction.

A few members of our sincere little group were receiving dreams and visions from God, or so we thought. An earthquake was predicted, a sense of urgency hung over us, God’s “messages” urged us to get our lives in order by searching our hearts and confessing any wrongs hidden there. We felt compelled to sell our worldly goods and change our diet to simple foods so that we can stand pure before a righteous God and with perfect characters that would allow us to be translated into heaven.

It is difficult to say how the unraveling of it all began. Individual members of our little “flock” began having doubts about our beliefs. Strange things started happening. One of our members who could not have any more children, suddenly got a message from God telling her that she was to give birth to a son who would be like John the Baptist.

For me, the constant sense of fear and inability to become a woman of pure character, pressed me down with a darkness that conflicted with the joy I should be feeling about having my first baby! With the focus on a new child, I was finally able to break free from the terrible spiritual bondage that I had allowed myself to slip into. But in turning my back on what I had so gullibly accepted as being in God’s will, I was left feeling like a ship that had run aground on a dry desert island.

How could I trust my spiritual instincts? What was “truth”? Where had I gone wrong and how could I prevent it from happening again? How could I mend the broken relationships that lay scattered behind me like carnage from a battlefield? How indeed?

It has taken me many years to work through these issues, and yet the journey into God’s grace has been well worth it!

In my next few blogs, I would like to talk about the ways in which I denied God and how they are important issues for all of us. I want to share how betrayal turned to truth. And of course, I want to share the amazing, merciful love of God. This same God assured Peter that despite his denial of Christ, he was already forgiven and in fact, as a result of this painful experience, would be better equipped to help others in their quest for truth in Jesus.

"Love is the Answer, No Matter the Question!"

I'll have to reveal a little "dirty" secret of mine to acknowledge the author of the above quote. I came across it while reading a book by Mary Balogh, who happens to be a romance novel writer. I hesitate to share the source of the quote above, not because I feel guilty about the fact that I read an occasional romance novel, but rather because I don't want to trivialize such a profound statement.

Those simple words succinctly describe the core of my spiritual foundation. Let me put it in context.

I grew up submerged in a cultic culture of exclusivity. The church of my "youth" was one in which its members were indoctrinated with the idea that they belonged to the one true church. The idea was and still is, that all other Christians would one day come to see this fact and all who truly loved God would join this last remnant church. The idea was promoted that my own good and ultimately perfect works plus my own conjured up faith were my only guarantees for entrance into heaven. You can imagine that I never quite measured up. (After all, I read romance novels!)

It is now, as I stand in a place of God's grace and understand that there is absolutely NOTHING that I can or cannot do that will ensure my salvation, I am sometimes confronted by those who are still caught in the tangle of their own useless attempts at trying to gain their "golden ticket" into heaven. I hear, "Yes, Jesus saves, BUT........." I start to say that there is no BUT, and then get accused of promoting "cheap grace".

How does one explain that finding rest and liberty in the New Covenant of Jesus has enlarged my sense of responsibility? I don't have a one day of week religion anymore. I put my trust in God each and every day! He is my moment by moment, daily rest. It is ALL about HIM! And because He has ensured my salvation, I am left with a sense of awe that prompts me to center my whole life with His love. In everything I do and say, I want to remember the above quote, "Love is the answer, no matter the question!"

Such good intentions I have! Ah....... but when I mess up, and I do much too often..... I am never in fear that I have somehow, by my failure to love, had my name blotted from the Book of Life. I just have to remind myself that MY failure to love is a given, but because God IS love, HE is always the answer! And for that I give Him all honor and praise! - lindylou '06

Through a Glass Darkly

I've spent my life looking at God through a microscope.

My view being something finite and measurable,

a list of rules and standards,

small parts of a whole with definite boundaries

and borders of confinement.

An observer bigger than that being observed,

And yet, like a barnacle on a whale,

blissfully unaware of the entirety of my universe.

I felt empowered, thinking I could

manipulate and control what I saw,

and yet fearful that I would fail

and the microscopic organism under scrutiny

would be the death of me.

Then God's grace knocked me off my feet.

On the ground, I was forced to look up

through the lens of a telescope,

getting a glimpse of something infinite and immeasurable

I've since put my eye to the scope

and have seen vast expanses of God's love,

limitless, with no boundaries.

I am powerless and know that there is nothing out there that I can control.

I am an insignificant speck in the context of what is being observed.

And yet, I know that I matter,

for He who is the beginning and the end, the Alpha and Omega,

knows who I am. And while I am nothing,

I am everything to Him,

For He, who is infinite,

became a barnacle for a moment in time

So that I could one day see

the entirety of God's universe

and know that eternal life was my destiny.

-lindylou, 7/06

Dancing in the Arms of God

"Dancing in the Arms of God"

"Come dance with Me," He said.
Large strong hands reached out to me.
There was longing in their stretch.

Our fingers touched, "Please take My hand,
Let Me heal your hurting soul."
My heart cried, "Yes!"
That was all it took.
He held on and pulled me close.

"Allow Me," were the only words He spoke,
As we moved across the floor,
Dancing palm in palm and cheek to cheek,
My arms around His side.

It was then I felt the scars and
Tears welled in my eyes,
As I realized what this dance had cost.
I pulled back, but He held me tight
And whispered softly in my ear.

"The debt's been paid, my precious one.
It's time to celebrate!
So let the dance go on! -lindylou

"Dancing in the Arms of God" was inspired by a book that painted a picture of God as One who considers us to be the desire of His heart.

Have you ever watched couples ballroom dancing? They look so graceful and beautiful floating across the dance floor. And for some reason, in those moments of coordinated teamwork, the couple appears connected in a special way. They boldly look in each other's eyes and hold each other in an embrace that seems to tell the other partner that they are cherished.

I don't know much about dancing, but one evening I went with my parents to a dance and dinner at the Elks Lodge. My mom and dad learned to ballroom dance several years ago. I love to watch them. This particular evening, my father took me out on the dance floor with him. His expertise and confidence in leading gave me the sensation of being a wonderful dancer myself! For a few brief minutes, I had the thrill of being held in someone's arms, dancing as if I had been doing it for years.

Can you picture your Heavenly Father holding you in His arms and leading you around the dance floor? He holds you close, as if He never wants to let you go. You feel beautiful and ever so cherished in His arms.

Don't pull back. Let Him hold you and guide you with His loving touch. Listen to what He wants to whisper in your ear. And never let Him go! -lindylou

From My Heart to Yours

This blog is a new experience for me! For some time now, I have been jotting down my thoughts in a little binder that I keep hidden away in the cupboard. I've shared my words with a few close friends, but have never been brave enough to "expand my horizons." I'm ready for a new adventure. So here I am. :)

A little background: "With all my heart, mind and soul"- refers to a personal spiritual journey that has taken me from a cultish conservative religion, through fanaticism and eventually to a discovery of complete and wonderful freedom in the Grace of God! This blog will chronicle that journey, but it will particularly focus on the matters of a woman's heart. It will touch on spiritual matters , as well as the issues of marriage, parenting, depression, joy and the myriad of emotions that affect a woman's heart, mind and soul.

Thank you for listening. I would love to have any feedback that you care to give. My greatest goal for this blog is that the words you read here will encourage and bless you in your own unique journey. -lindylou