Resolution Part 3: Savor the Experience

"What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I had realized it sooner."
(French writer Colette)

Savor: To perceive with relish, to give oneself to the enjoyment of.

I'm thinking that resolution #3 might be the best of the bunch. At least the most fun. I certainly can use more of that in my life! From the definition of "savor", it would seem that a part of being able to put the word into action, one must have an attitude deliberately turned towards the act - to perceive with relish. And that doesn't mean pass the ketchup or mustard! The word relish means to take pleasure in. In order to do that one must first be PRESENT.

"Leave the past to God's mercy. Leave the future to God's discretion. This moment is all there is."

(from "Spiritual Literacy" by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat)

Being in the present connects intimately with Paying Attention. It takes practice. That involves a certain kind of mental exercising. How often have I caught myself thinking about what's going to happen tomorrow or how foolish I was yesterday? As children, we want to hurry and grow up and we want it to happen quickly. As we get older, we tend to look back over our life and wonder, "What if?" or "Why did that happen?" While it is helpful to have goals for the future and learn from the past, I believe that much can be learned from dwelling in the NOW. Thinking of tomorrow can fill us with hope, excitement, fear or dread. Thinking of the past makes us feel sad, regretful, relieved and content. Being in the present can bring pain, but it also brings us joy, pleasure, fun and a sense of awe and wonder!

Savoring the Experience can be greatly enhanced by Accepting Grace. "To accept this gift (of grace) is to step into a world that is larger, deeper, richer and fuller." (Spiritual Literacy, pg. 182) For me, Accepting Grace means allowing myself to believe the truth that I am beloved of God - just as I am. Because He is worthy and living in me, I am also worthy. I am set FREE when I truly understand what it means to rest in God's Grace! That freedom brings true excitement, joy and awe. It is only when I am free from judging myself and others and free from expecting certain behaviors from all of us, that I can really savor life day. Grace gives freedom to savor the experience.

Go lightly, tread softly,

Some things are best left as they are,

Let go, let be, don't try to change it,

Just simply walk away.

Pay close attention, be alert,

Who knows what you might see?

Beauty, truth and something new

There's meaning in every day.

Savor, relish, just enjoy,

Experience the present moment,

Live in the now, accept the grace,

You'll find joy is in the play.

Happy New Year, 2009

- Lindylou

2009 G.P.S. : Paying Attention

"Attention is the intention to live without reservation in the here and now."

Timothy Miller

"Everything in life is speaking, is audible, is communicating, in spite of its apparent silence."

Poet Hazrat Inayat Khan

Paying Attention is a deliberate act of being aware. In order to do this best, one needs to be quiet and listen. It is a matter of using our senses to observe three basic aspects of life: things, people and self.

When we take the time to observe our environment, we can find meaning in the simplest of things. Think of all the ways a flower inspires us. In a flower we see love and romance, wonder and beauty, and a condensed view of the cycle of life. The authors of the book, "Spiritual Literacy", suggest that everything in our life can be a source of meaning and even sacredness.

"Be prepared to look long and steadily at things. They will speak to you and reveal themselves......moments of grace, epiphanies, and great insights are lost to us because we are in too much of a hurry to notice them. Slow down or you'll miss the good stuff." (pg. 53)

Sometimes in those moments in which we are being an observer of our world, we simply enjoy a triggered memory that has meaning to us. There can be much joy in remembering. Once upon a time in my own life, I spent several years living on a tropical island, 6,000 miles from home. One Christmas, I remember standing in the open pavilion of the island's airport, sending someone home for the holidays. In the midst of saying goodbye and greeting people who were coming off the plane, I caught a whiff of something familiar to me, but foreign to the island. I turned and looked to see a Christmas tree being carted through the lobby. It was just your average pine tree, not too big, but I wanted to run over and put my arms around it and bury my nose in its needles. Several of the American kids who were with me all had the same idea. It wasn't long before a little crowd had gathered around that tree, oohing and ahhing as we stuck our noses in the branches and breathed deeply of the pine scent. You would have thought we were tasting the most delicious of foods or watching a fantastic fireworks display for all the sounds of awe were were making. That unique smell of Christmas took us all back to wonderful times with our families who were so far away from us that particular season. I remember being surprised at how a simple smell could trigger a flood of emotion and warm thoughts.

As I look around this little room in which I am writing, I see several objects that remind me of someone or something of value in my life. I've never been one to cling to stuff. In fact, for me, getting rid of stuff can be very therapeutic! At the same time, even when I am in a mood to purge myself from the clutter that sometimes piles up around me, I am careful to keep certain items that hold meaning for me. Paying attention to those things can turn the ordinary into something special and meaningful.

The next aspect of deliberate attention giving can be the most difficult for many of us; paying attention to people. This doesn't just mean sitting in a mall watching everyone as they walk by. (Although, that can be quite an interesting learning experience!) It involves learning to really listen to words and the body language of those we come in contact with. So many times we get involved in a discussion and all we are thinking about is what WE are going to say next with no thought to what the other person is saying. I've done this much more than I'd like to admit. My archaeological nature to dig into the human psyche can ironically cause me to miss that which is sitting just on the surface of another person's experience. I'm so busy thinking about the next question that I want to ask, that I miss the response just given!

In relational conflict, the ability to pay attention is essential. Instead of striving to get our own point across and prove that we are right, the situation can best be resolved by doing nothing but listening and paying attention to all aspects of the conversation. Sometimes being the watcher instead of the player can benefit all parties! As a wise friend recently said,

"I have learned that being an observer and not a participant of the game is the best option for my own heart and my own energy. But the observer does have power. The game may be played differently and experienced differently by the players just because someone is watching." (Gay Arner)

For myself, I know that there are a few relationships in my life that have never really worked. I've always thought that if I would just keep working harder and digging deeper that all would eventually be made right. I don't know how many times I've thought that things had been fixed and I anticipated a fresh start, to have it all blow up in my face again! The blame game doesn't work here, either. Sometimes things just ARE! And sometimes it is best to let them be. That means I have to pay close attention and recognize when it is time to simply walk away.

Paying attention to myself is the next aspect of this resolution. I've touched on this in another thread titled, Home is Where the Heart Is." I want to continue learning to listen to my own heart and more importantly come to fully trust what my heart is trying to tell me. Reflection of the past has shown me that my heart knows truth and CAN be trusted. It's my job now to really believe that.

At this point, some might ask why I didn't mention paying attention to God. For me, that is a given. If one is paying attention to things around them, to the relationships they encounter and their own heart, then they ARE paying attention to God. Since mankind was banished from the Garden of Timeless Unity, for the most part, God speaks to us through things and people. And most importantly, His Spirit dwells in our hearts if invited in. Thus the resolution to pay attention will only enhance our relationship with God. And this brings us to New Year's resolution # 3: Savor the Experience!

My G.P.S. for 2009

I've a new G.P.S. for 2009. Although not a fan of resolutions, I've decided that it might be beneficial for me to listen to the wisdom of this navigating device. In 7 words:

Go Lightly!

Pay Attention!

Savor the Experience!

As some who know me can attest, I'm a woman who likes to dig deep and probe relentlessly into hearts and minds. This is close to being cursed, because all that excavating can create havoc for myself and others that I come in contact with. While I'm thinking that it can only be healthy to do a little archaeological work, not all would agree with me. Especially those that come in close contact to my probing tools!

I've also been one to work hard at mending and mediating relationships that aren't quite working. I hate misunderstanding and over the years have done my best to smooth any relational conflict out. I suppose there is real irony in that since my deep digging philosophy has created some of those conflicts. I've just clung to the idea that if we would all hang in there and work through the problems, that despite the pain, things will be okay. Very naive on my part, I suppose.

That said, I am finding as I approach this place called "middle age" (which sounds so dark ages!), that I've run out of energy to put into those dysfunctional relationships. I am finding that I am a bit indifferent and not as willing to push through the hard stuff, particularly if a relationship has turned toxic. This indifference has bothered me. It's a new emotion that doesn't fit well. However, a recent conversation with a friend, has helped me to see that perhaps there is something to be learned from this indifference. Perhaps it is time that I learn to GO LIGHTLY!

To Go Lightly involves letting go of those relationships that are just not working and letting them be. It means that I will be cordial and polite, but I will not try and fix the relationship. I will stay on the surface of emotions and stay away from dangerous topics. I will give up my own expectations for what a proper relationship should look like. I will not push for deep discussion, but rather I will cultivate my own weak skills at small talk and chit-chat. I will do my best to be quiet and listen! (Ok, friends you can pick yourself up off the floor now!) Yes, I resolve to be quiet and listen. This leads me to navigational guide # 2: Pay Attention!

Why Christmas?

In the beginning, in the Garden of Timeless Unity,
Man and Woman existed, unaware of their differences,
One with their Maker, without boundaries or a reference of time.
"Today" was forever. All was at rest, no conflict or pain.

Then entered the snake and the eating of forbidden fruit.
Everything shifted, new thoughts exploded in the minds of man.
A knowledge of opposites, time keeping and a sense of self.
No more One, only us and them and a feeling of deep shame.

The Great I Am became obscure as man himself said, "I am."
Blissful intimacy with God became a deep thirst for lust,
Man's desire became an insatiable hunger couched in fear,
Discontent and loneliness set in, time began its endless reign.

Yet, all was not lost, for the seeds of the fruit held something fine,
Something previously not needed, now decidedly vital.
In the hearts of man, Hope was planted with a measure of Faith.
Promise was given of One who would come and the Garden reclaim.

An innocent babe, clothed in constraints of time and human form
Would enter the realm of banishment in an act of selfless love.
Bringing with Him the restoration of unity with God,
Enhanced by man's awareness of what he's lost but can regain.

So now beginning has no end for those who accept the gift
Of grace and love freely given to vanquish all time and death.
Imbued with Spirit, man's soul is open to the heart of God,
A garden of rest recreated, forever in Jesus' name.

by lindylou 12/08

P.S. The phrase "Garden of Timeless Unity" was taken from the writings of James Campbell in his book titled, "The Power of Myth".

Home is Where the Heart Is

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

A healthy new baby has no pretense. While it can sometimes be difficult to decipher a baby's "language", the little ones do a great job of expressing themselves naturally from the core of their being. No game playing. They just let it all out as they feel it. However, it doesn't take long for external influences to push and shape and even squelch a young one's natural responses. I remember with my own children, how often I would catch them looking at my face, trying to gauge my reaction to their behavior. They would listen carefully to conversations around them, trying to take it all in. They quickly learned what would get them positive or negative responses. They internalized these reactions and learned quickly that it could be important for their well-being to squelch certain impulses, words or actions.

This kind of learning is important for our children in many ways because it helps them learn to get along in society, to temper their impulsiveness and to have a sense of what is considered right or wrong. It certainly makes living with other people easier! However, despite its importance, the many voices that each of us are exposed to over our lifetime can be quite damaging at times. Think back on your own life. Can you see any defining moments in which your own voice, the cry of your heart, was overruled or worse, stomped on by another louder one?

It may have been the constant look of disapproval or anger on a parent's face or the seemingly undeserved slap or spanking you got. Perhaps the religion of your youth gave you the impression that you had to work very hard to gain God's approval, that you just weren't good enough as you were. It may have been something simple like a chance remark that made reference to a supposed flaw on your body or in your character. Maybe you were bullied or made fun of by classmates. Perhaps you felt as if you never measured up to the expectations of a lover or spouse and it seemed as if you were the one always blamed for any misunderstandings or conflicts in the relationship.

These things happen to all of us. The point here is not to lay blame upon the people that may have had a part in the squelching of our voices or the hurt inflicted on our hearts. Each of them were responding from their own ignorance and pain. And although I hate to admit it, I am guilty of doing this myself! The issue here is that it is important to acknowledge these things in our life and learn to listen once again to the newborn heart within each of us.

I would venture to guess that if you took some time to look back on your life, you would see those times in which your heart tried to tell you what was the truth about yourself, someone else or God. You probably felt a little niggle of warning or a welling up of joy as your heart attempted to make a connection with your brain about a particular someone or circumstance. And how many times, because of those old distorted recordings in our heads, did we ignore what our heart was trying to tell us? No doubt, it has happened far too often. The sad fact is, that each time we squelch that inner voice, it becomes harder to discern.

Over the last decade, my own life has fallen into the textbook pattern of looking back. My quest for meaning and truth has led me to examine many things. I have spent hours pondering my childhood, religion, spirituality, marriage and friendships. This introspection has been very valuable and has taught me several important lessons. The most vital thing that I've learned is that I CAN indeed trust my heart. With the perspective of time, I can now clearly see those times when my heart was trying to tell me something that I counted as mere fancy, or silly distorted emotion, when in fact it was speaking absolute truth.

In many ways, I feel as if I've spent much of my life walking through a thin veil of mist. I suppose that is what Paul is talking about in I Corinthians 13:12: "Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now."

"Just as God knows me now." I like that! God knows me from the inside out. He's with me on this journey of self-discovery - the slicing through the fog, layer by layer. The way home is through Him and He is in my heart!

Finding Home

Little girl lost,
Struggling to find her way home
In the swirling mist of narrow expectations
and unacceptance,
She continues to roam.

Little girl afraid,
But pushing forward in blind haste,
Trying so hard to prove herself worthy,
Yet always falling short.
A deep fear she must taste.

Little girl wounded,
Confusing biting criticism for something familiar and right,
Abandoning self respect in the silencing of her heart's desire,
She wants to give up the fight.

Little girl wandering,
Through a maze of subtle lies,
Getting hooked by the barbs of deceit and misguided advice.
Something in her soul dies.

Little girl weary,
Hears a soft voice call out her name.
She stops and stands still, peering hard into the fog.
Has something just shifted or is it all just the same?

Little girl hopeful,
Sees the grey veil start to part,
A light breaks through the darkness,
Giving her a glimpse of the road leading home,
That place that lies buried deep in her heart.

by lindylou 2008

Sitting with Loneliness

"So be lonely. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearning." Elizabeth Gilbert - "Eat, Pray, Love"

The truth is that loneliness happens inside of us. That means it is something we can feel in a crowd, at a party, as a couple, in the middle of the night, in a roomful of family or even after a sexual encounter.

In the past, I've worked on "rolling" with my emotions - anger and depression being the most prominent feelings that I needed to "feel" and deal with. Now it is loneliness. And it is time to embrace it and learn from it.

Loneliness is something that we all carry around with us. Most of the time, we don't like how it feels in our bodies and we do everything we can to ignore, cover up or eradicate it. Thus, we drink, take drugs, have sex or become obsessed with music, friends or anything that might mask the loneliness. But try as we might, any of these methods that we use only result in a temporary distraction from that thing called loneliness that resides in each of us.

Perhaps the trick is to acknowledge it. "Sit with it," as Elizabeth Gilbert says. Become acquainted with it and content with its existence. Perhaps it can teach us something.

Somewhat related to this is learning to look inside ourselves for God. That's not saying that we ARE God, but rather that God is IN us! So many of us were taught to look to external things that serve as evidence of our faith and devotion to God: church-going, bible study, prayer on our knees, hanging a saint around our neck or holding a rosary in our hands. The reality of this kind of "devotion" is that it comes from an effort of SELF. It assures our involvement in the process of devotion. On top of this, any talk or attempt to look inward, to meditate or study Zen-like beliefs leads people to accuse us of dabbling in "new age" spiritism.

We've traditionally ignored the Holy Spirit and His presence inside of us. It is God's Spirit IN us that connects us to Him. We miss out on so much by always trying to depend on external things with which to build a relationship with God. I don't have to be sitting in a church, carrying my Bible or on my knees to experience God. "I am with you always!" He says.

How awesome is that?! So, while we may feel lonely at times, we can have the assurance that we are never alone.