Happily Ever After?

According to John Eldredge in the book titled, "Wild At Heart", a man's heart is wired with three unique God-given needs:

* The need to be fierce and powerful.
* The need for adventures that test.
* The need to have a "beauty" to fight for.
In contrast, Eldredge says that, likewise, there are three things that the heart of a woman yearns for:

*The desire to be wanted and fought for.
*The desire to share in adventure.
*The desire to be the beauty and be delighted in.

In his book, he asks the question, "What is a Christian woman?" His answer: "....a Christian woman is tired. All we've offered the feminine soul is pressure to be a 'good servant.' No one is fighting for her heart, there is no grand adventure to be swept up in, and every woman doubts very much that she has any beauty to unveil."

Wow! Can you relate? I sure do. We grow up loving the fairy tale of the princess finding herself in trouble, only to be rescued by a knight in shining armor. And they live happily ever after. And oh, how disappointed we are! For somehow real life doesn't seem to work out that way. Abuse, neglect, put downs and criticism chip away at our tender, hopeful hearts. And unless a miracle happens and Someone comes along to rescue us, our hearts can become stony and hard. But thank God for miracles:

"Then I will give them one heart, and I will put a new spirit

within them, and take the stony heart out of their flesh,

and give them a heart of flesh."

Ezekiel 11:19

Mortal man may fail us because he too, is a wounded soul searching for his heart's desire. The truth of the matter is that as long as men and women live on this earth, they will all be dealt deep wounding blows that will keep them from finding wholeness in one another. And that is why we need a Savior. Only by opening up our wounded hearts to God will we be able to find that which will give us our heart's desire. I believe that it is when we are willing to be honest and vulnerable with God that we will find greater satisfaction and fulfillment in our earthly relationships.

I had a friend tell me the other day that he wouldn't be much good for any deep relationship because he is "damaged goods". And I thought, "aren't we all?" Many of us live with the fallacy that we have to somehow fix everything in ourselves, work hard to be perfect and good before we are willing to commit ourselves to a relationship with someone. We especially want to hide from God until we think we are good enough for His approval! I think the truth is that God just wants our hearts - exactly the way they are - scar tissue and all!

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is found in Ezekial 16:

"On the day you were born your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed in water to cleanse you; you were not rubbed with salt nor swathed in swaddling cloths, no eye pitied you, to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you; but you were thrown out into the open field, when you yourself were loathed on the day you were born. And when I passed by you and saw you struggling in your own blood, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!' Yes, I said to you in your blood, 'Live!'

I made you thrive like a plant in the field; and you grew, matured and became very beautiful. Your breasts were formed, your hair grew, but you were naked and bare. When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you. And you became Mine, says the Lord.

Then I washed you in water, yes, I thoroughly washed off your blood, and I anointed you with oil. I clothed you in embroidered cloth and gave you sandals of badger skin. I clothed you with fine linen and covered you with silk. I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your wrists, and a chain on your neck. I put a jewel in your nose, earrings in your ears, and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen, silk and embroidered cloth. You ate pastry of fine flour, honey and oil. You were exceedingly beautiful and succeeded to royalty."

My own wish to be desired and cherished soars at that last thought! To think that God considers me to be exceedingly beautiful AND has made me his queen, thrills me to my toes! It sounds like a happily ever after story to me. But I think there is more to the tale..........

Girls Just Want to Have Fun!

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face."

Victory Hugo

The spiraling path of life is an interesting journey. Over the years, God has peeled away layers of lies that were imprinted on me by the twisted beliefs of the church of my youth. Old tape recordings that played the voice of a false prophet have slowly faded with time. And yet, just this morning, it dawned on me that a few of those old messages are still lingering in my subconsciousness. It was a bit of a surprise to see light shining through a new veil of awareness.

The issue at hand has to do with having fun. I've been aware for some time that I've needed to put more play into my life. One of the problems in my failed marriage was the fact that neither of us knew how to have any fun together. Knowing this and being able to do something about it are two different things! From an early age, having real fun was not a cultivated part of my life. It may have been because I was the oldest child with a lot of responsibility or the fact that I was the daughter of a church school principal living in a fishbowl. There was always this sense of having my actions watched and critiqued. A huge influence was the the plethora of words that I was made to read which were written by a woman who was considered the ultimate religious authority of my church.

While I even hate to put these words on this blog, I must in order to give you an idea of what craziness I was brainwashed with:

"Parties for frivolous, worldly pleasure, gatherings for eating, drinking, and singing,

are inspired by a spirit that is from beneath. They are an oblation to Satan."

(Testimonies Vol 8, pg. 66)

"Play is not essential.........I can not find an instance in the life of Christ

where he devoted time to play and amusement."

(Fundamentals of Christian Education, pg. 228,229)

"There are amusements, such as dancing, card playing, chess, checkers, etc.,

which we cannot approve, because Heaven condemns them.

These amusements open the door for great evil."

(Testimonies Vol 1, Pg. 514)

Those are just a few of the many words that I was made to read throughout my years of education. I remember feeling such cognitive dissonance when such words were read. How could these things be true? I also remember the cloud of anxiety, the fear of displeasing God, that hung over my involvement in anything that was condemned by the church's ultimate voice of authority. I am now years beyond the earth-shattering understanding that those were the words of a false prophet, however their influence has taken much longer to totally eradicate.

During the past few years, I have been on a quest to be more playful and have more fun. It's just been recently, that I've felt that I've actually been able to recognize that I AM having fun. However, this morning it hit me how much I've still been held hostage by the old lies.

In that moment of realization, I also felt great satisfaction in the fact that I have been laughing more, caring less about what others may think of me in my silliness and some pride in the fact that I've faced down some of my "fun fears."

I've learned that sometimes it's taken deliberate steps on my part to add playfulness to my life. This may sound odd to anyone who hasn't grown up with a conservative religious background. You may get your own fun from hearing how stepping out on the dance floor all by myself for the first time was as terrifying as stepping out of an airplane flying thousands of feet above the ground! And you'd probably die from laughter to hear about my first tenacious, but forced attempts to flirt with a nice looking man!

Today, I found a website that teaches the technique of "Laughter Yoga." This concept was first introduced in 1995 by a Dr. Madan Kataria, from India. The idea of "laughter yoga" is that we can actually enhance our lives through practiced laughter. Dr. Kataria says this:

"Regardless of the external circumstances in life,

everyone has the ability and the choice to laugh.

Because everything else is peripheral, the only lasting happiness

is that which is cultivated within. When you engage

in genuine or even simulated laughter you shift your body's

awareness and your consciousness. In so doing,
your body chemistry literally becomes happy."

(http://www.lavatolaugh.com/)

In the book, "Spiritual Literacy", play is listed as one of the essentials to finding spiritual meaning in our everyday life. "Playing around is a good and holy thing. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. It enables us to express ourselves creatively, to use our intuition and imagination, to savor pleasure and the lightness of being, and to make our humble contribution to the unfinished masterpiece of the world." (pg. 351) Wow! Those words resonate with me. It's how I picture heaven to be - a place where we have freedom to express ourselves creatively, to savor pleasure and lightness of being!! The Bible talks a lot about how Jesus came to bring us joy abundantly AND because of Him, the kingdom of heaven is here and now in our hearts.

There is an Apache myth that tells the story of the Creator giving human beings the ability to talk, to run, and to look. But He was not satisfied until He also gave them the ability to laugh. Only then did the Creator say, "Now you are fit to live." (Spiritual Literacy, pg. 351) So let's live! Laugh, giggle, be silly. Play and have some fun!

"We do not laugh because we are happy.

We are happy because we laugh."

William Jones

(Thank you to my new Facebook friends who are teaching me how to go lightly and savor the experience of sillyness, laughter and fun!)

The Soul

A place entombed in flesh,

Yet transcending any barriers

To soar to reaches far and wide.

A lonely place

Conflicted, torn, surreal.

Untouched by hands,

Yet breached with words.

A strange land of reality.

The sight behind closed eyes,

Painting images in the dark,

To see, down deep inside the heart.

A safe place

For probing hopes and doubts.

Where silent tears, quiet laughter,

Tender longings find a refuge.

by lindylou

Liberation!

"O wretched (wo)man that I am!

Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

Romans 7:24

This may sound strange, but there are times that I would love to shed my body and let my soul fly free! The flesh can feel so restrictive and cumbersome! It takes a lot of energy to maintain and much too much time is spent trying to shrink it, transform it, or cover it up! And as I get older, the aging body starts to creak and groan. I have this fantasy that in heaven, I will only be shrouded in a robe of light that is weightless and easily molded to the shape I want. No more worries about weight gain, blemishes or achy bones!

When one reads the writings of Paul, it seems apparent that he also had a desire to be rid of his earthly flesh:

"For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed

with our habitation which is from heaven,

If indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked.

For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened,

not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed,

that mortality may be swallowed up in life....

We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent

from the body and to be present with the Lord."

2Corinthians 5:5-8

Paul didn't just want to be rid of his earthly body, he had a longing to be intimate with God. Have you noticed how some people spend most of their lives trying to cover up who they are on the inside? They refuse to acknowledge their feelings or listen to what their heart is telling them. However, when we come to know Christ (like Paul did) and His Spirit woos our own spirit, a deep longing for intimacy with God wells up within. We want to be open and vulnerable to God's Spirit. We wish that our heart's desires - our dreams and ideas - would be fully understood by Him.

While on this earth, we keep hoping that an earthly relationship will bring us this kind of intimacy. I like to think that God's original purpose for the sexual union between a man and a woman was one that would give us a taste of the intimacy that God wants with each of us. When the Bible says that "Adam knew Eve," the Hebrew word used has to do with discernment, understanding and being endued with the other. This "knowing" was to be more than just a physical act. Sadly, many times, despite our desire, we are never quite satisfied; we never quite feel understood by our lover. A hungry hole still resides within us and it happens to be a God-sized hole which only God in us can fill up. The ironic thing is that in order for this to happen, God had to clothe Himself in the body of a human! He poured Himself into a body so that we could one day break out of ours!

"The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.

For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by it's choice,

but by the will of the one who subjected it,

in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its

bondage to decay and brought into the glorious

freedom of the children of God........

We ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit,

groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for the adoption,

the redemption of our bodies."

Romans 8:19-23

I Am Not My Body

The essence of myself
is held captive within its frame,
but I am not my body.

The first organ of life
beats in rhythm and pumps blood
through artery and vein,
but it is not the true heart of the matter.

Synapses spark, endorphins rush
and flood the brain,
but my thoughts escape.
I am not my body.

Muscles stretch and ache with wear,
Bones bend and sometimes break.
Nerves cry out in protest,
But my will survives.

It tries to betray me,
Squeeze me with pain,
Change shape, wrinkle and grow weak,
But I am not my body.

Who I am transcends skin and bone,
I'm a soul temporarily
trapped in mortal flesh,
A spiritual being, in tune to something
bigger than myself, another dimension.

I am a spirit of determination and strength.
I carry hurts, prejudice and a
myriad of emotions within my heart,
but I am not my body.

You may subdue it, abuse it
and destroy it,
but I am not my body and
who I am can never be erased.

For while it may die and return to dust,
who I am is held in trust by
the God, who knows
I am not my body!

by lindylou

Waiting Quietly in Hope

Many of us feel the most disheartened when we find ourselves in the midst of a broken relationship. The conflict and misunderstanding send daggers into our hearts. The wounds are made much more painful with the thrusts of rash words that cut and slice away at our ego and spirit. It is when we stand surrounded by the carnage of such emotional battle, that we feel the most hopeless. Can this relationship be mended? How can we pick up the pieces of our obliterated hearts and reestablish a connection with our friend, child or spouse?

The book of Lamentations is a portrayal of a devastatingly broken relationship between God and His people. The Israelites divorced themselves from God and it wasn't too long before they found themselves in bondage in a place far from home. In Chapter 3, the prophet of Lamentations is recounting the pain and anguish that has resulted from a separation from God:

"You have moved my soul far from peace;

I have forgotten prosperity.

And I said, My strength and my hope have

perished from the Lord."

Vs. 18

But even in the middle of his crying and despair, the prophet catches sight of a bit of hope and hangs on with all his might. He realizes that despite all that has happened to bring about a seemingly irreconcilable relationship, there is hope!

"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,

because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.

The Lord is my portion, says my soul.

Therefore, I hope in Him!

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

to the soul who seeks Him.

It is good that one should hope and wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord."

Vs. 21-27

Hope and wait quietly! While God can work miracles and heal broken relationships, there are times in which we must be still and simply trust that all things will work for good in God's own time. At times, that means standing still in pain. Pain, because of the rift in an important relationship or the permanent loss of a loved one here on earth. There will come a time, when we are looking back on this painful period of waiting that we see something wonderful was being created within us. A friend recently sent me these wise and poetic words:

"It is the silence between the notes that gives music it's melody and rhythm... and so too, there are moments of silence and pausing in our lives... and if we could see the bigger picture we might celebrate the beautiful music we are making, but for now, we play on one note at a time and sometimes counting out endless frames of silence." (Roberta Miller)

So hold on to hope, but be ready to wait. "I will go before you and make the crooked places straight." (Isaiah 45:2) Now that is something to trust in!

High Hopes

"Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the Lord."

Psalm 31:24

Like a young child eagerly anticipating Christmas, we have all felt the excitement and sense of anticipation that comes with hoping and waiting for something to happen. From fantasizing about holding the winning lottery ticket to the joyful expectation of a visit from a loved one, we have found ourselves in a state of hope.

Invariably, we have also been knocked down with disappointment. How many times have we waited by the phone, never to hear it ring or hoped for a promotion never to have it materialize? The let-down that packs the most punch usually involves a personal relationship. Promises are made and then broken. A romantic evening is planned, but the reality is an argument over dinner. Confidences are shared in a developing new friendship, but trust is shattered with careless words. Unrealized expectations always hurt.

Unfortunately, there is no way to guarantee that the road of life on earth will be free of disappointments. However there is one relationship in which we can put our hope and one in which we can trust that all will turn out as anticipated:

"Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to

the heirs of promise, the immutability of His counsel,

confirmed it by an oath, that by two immutable
things, in which it is impossible for God to lie,

we might have strong consolation, who
have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and

steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil,
where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus,

having become High Priest forever."

Hebrews 6:18-20

Despite the bumps and obstacles that get in our way, we can hold fast to Jesus, knowing that He will never let us down. At times, it is our hope in Christ which is the only thing that keeps us from falling off the cliff of despair. So grab on with all your might and hold tight with all your heart!

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing,

that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Romans 15:13

The Expectation Highway

(This post is dedicated to Dr. S - You know who you are!)

Traveling along with high hopes

On a road full of expectations,

You end up in a deep ditch

Of disappointment and frustration.

You wonder where you went wrong.

How did you miss the warning signs?

When did you cross on over

The solid yellow lines?

Was it when you sat and waited

For the telephone to ring?

Or when you looked into the mailbox

And didn't find a thing?

Was it when your birthday came and went

And your daughter did not call?
Or when you cooked that special meal
And received no thanks at all?

The expectation highway

Is known to twist and turn.

And if you are not careful,

You might just crash and burn.

The expectation highway

Is a dangerous place to be.

It toys with your emotions

And does not let you see.

You feel hopeless, then so hopeful

The anticipation soars.

Opportunity comes knocking,

But you slam against locked doors!

Around the bend a roadblock,

Changes every thoughtful plan.

You have to turn around

And go back where you began.

The journey down the road of life

Is a hazard from the start.

So buckle up your hopes and dreams

Hold them tight within your heart.

By Lindylou :)